If you would have asked me 2 weeks ago
I would have swore the next poem I wrote
would have been a happy one

A love story maybe

I probably would have wrote about how your hand
fits so perfectly into mine
Like Our fingers were meant to be so intertwined
Or maybe about the potential of our lips meeting for the very first time
And how that moment would have been everything
you ever dreamed about

You see those things are all still true
The only thing that's missing is you

And if I can be honest for a moment
Sometimes this doesn't seem worth it
Despite what I'm learning
Or the way that your growing
And despite what's broken
And the way you seem to fix it all
I'm not sure it's worth it

I know Ive written about sewing up my heart
And how all of the pieces keep falling apart

But really
If I can be honest for just a moment
Sometimes this doesn't seem worth it

If I had any choice in the matter
I wouldn't be here

But let me be clear
I want to be right here
Messy, broken, shattered, spoken,
loving, patient, full of vengeance here
It just doesn't always seem like I have a choice

Sometimes it's like something is pulling me in your direction
And even when we aren't speaking there's some sort of connection
But whatever mixed up piece of my anatomy
that controls the way that I feel
Whether its the brain in my head
Or the heart under your heels I don't know
But it keeps coming back to right here


Like somehow this is where I'm supposed to rest

But rest hasn't come easily lately
And when it has I don't wanna get out of bed
Some call it depression
I just call it voices in my head

Cause life looks a lot different on the other side of your dreams
And this is the other side of whatever we called you and me

And that's why I find it so hard to believe
The night you rest your head on my shoulder
And you talked about the moment
And the peace amongst the broken
Mess in your room I swore I saw the real you

The woman of valor begging to be let free
From the chains and lies
That have convinced you you're a slave to humanity
That you're someone a victim to the way you've been treated and your heart needs to be just right in order to show it to anyone else.

And I know these sentence fragments won't be of any help
I just need you to know that you are worth it
Way more than your potential as a future spouse.
Way more than the words of anyone else
And honestly way more than I deserve to call my friend
But that's the beauty of grace isn't it

That we get what we don't deserve
We see a love we haven't earned
And because of that
The kingdom of heaven is advanced

And if I'm honest I don't always understand
Sometimes this whole heaven thing seems well out of my hands

But what I do know
What I'm absolutely sure of is this

The kingdom of heaven is two people crying on a park bench