It didn’t even rain
My grandma died when I was little
And I remember standing at her grave under a tent
Cause it rained
My uncle said that God was crying cause we were sad

So if God cried when my grandma died
why was it so sunny today
We dressed in our best
Not sure if we should wear black or not
Cause we were joyful that his pain had ended
But selfishly sad that he was gone and it was sunny

I watched my friends walk down the warm sidewalk
It was December but it seemed like everyone was sweating
Our eyes sweat like raindrops that were empty from the sky
And when you looked into them
it seemed like everyone was empty inside

And we all wore fake smiles, although some claim them to be real
But I still wonder how you can smile
when after a week of torment you’ve forgotten how to feel
And the hugs came in swarms
Like the locust of moses
And although they seemed to sooth for a moment
When a pair of arms lets go it always reminds me
of how empty they are

It was a week before and everyone I knew fell to their knees
We prayed “God we’re selfish but don’t take him please”
And we cried, not the soft kind or single tears
We wept like our lives depended on it
Our tear ducts ran dry like a well



The church was so big
And empty it seemed like it could fit a million
But as it filled I selfishly wondered why more people weren’t here
A man like this deserved the world
He changed the hearts of my friends
And burnt his wick at both ends
And yet somehow a disease had taken him over

And we sang
We sang words that we hoped to be true
Praying that if they left our mouths
that somehow they would bounce
From the ceiling to our hearts and that this would all be over
“whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul”

But God it’s not
And it’s so hard for me to see past this
I don’t want to love you
when the world is without someone like him
And people promise that he’s in a better place
And some even say that you took him on purpose
That heaven needed an angel and no one fit better

But I can’t believe a God who loves his children
would rob them of a blessing like him
I know these are only words
And my heart begs that they not be true
But everyone around me seems to be trusting in you
So why is it so hard for me

When death comes
Like a thief in the night
And robs your children of the blessings
Of the gift you call life
God why can’t we get some answers
Why can’t you send some angel
Like you did for Mary
That explains that everything will be ok
Remind us your purpose is perfect in every way

But instead we lie here
Broken and empty
And although everything within me doesn’t want to
I’m trusting that you are greater than I
And that your plans are bigger than mine
Cause I don’t want a God
that my puny little brain can wrap around
If that were the case then I’d take the crown
I don’t want a God that I can understand
Because in that one sentence I loose the rock that I stand on